Happy New Year everyone! 

I have been away a long time and its probably the longest break I have taken from my blog. If you follow me on Instagram, you will be knowing that I gave birth a few months back which is what made me take break from blogging and adjust in the new phase of life. I am back finally and would like to get back on track with a summary of my past year. Here is how my 2021 went. 

Surgery 

The year started off with my vaginismus diagnosis. I and Sohail discussed to have a baby and went for a casual check up to the gynecologist. I was diagnosed with vaginismus. In case you are unaware of what it is, let me explain it a little. Its basically when your inner muscle walls are thick or tight that you feel pain during intercourse. The deed itself becomes painful and takes away all the pleasure from it. Its not something that goes away on its own with time. It is a medical condition that needs to be treated like any other issue. Old wives tales' that it gets better and learn to tolerate the pain is BS. Do not take that crap anymore. You find something you are not comfortable with, consult a doctor. 

Since I am being candid, I'd like to mention here the horror stories we hear of new brides screaming with pain, fainting the next morning or ending up in hospitals due to bleeding, its mostly due to vaginismus. There is not enough awareness around this issue. Even many doctors end up scolding women to bear the pain downplaying the issue by condescending them, comparing the pain to preparing for labor pains.  Who knew finding a kind and compassionate doctor can be so important in your diagnosis. 

Anyhow, I was given two options. One was to insert a device 3 times a day to get the muscles used to the intrusion or the other was to go under the knife and fix the issue for once and all. After much deliberation with the mister, I got myself operated. Full recovery time was 2 weeks which meant leave from work, loads of soup and remaining under the blanket. Thankfully, things became much better after my surgery. 

Covid 

In mid march, my father contracted Covid. My father is a heart patient who had open heart surgery back in 2000 and my mother is a hypertensive patient. They both live alone and are around 75. I knew I had to take care of my father and help my mother with it. So I availed work from home and moved to my parent's place. On the third day, I myself contracted Covid. I had very mild symptoms like headaches, runny, blocked nose and mild cough followed by fatigue. It did not occur to me that I might have contracted it too until the smell and taste loss. For 7 days straight I couldn't smell or taste anything. I could feel the texture of things in my mouth but couldn't tell the taste. My taste buds and smelling sensors were totally numb. 

It was a very tough phase for us as a family. Quarantine in isolation runs havoc on you as a person. It shatters the mind of an old person. Including my father I have heard of numerous cases where the recovered patients have not been completely themselves. They have different temperaments now and psychological impacts are lasting. Also, at the same time my chacha (my father's younger brother) passed away from covid and my father couldnt attend his funeral. This was devastating for him mentally and emotionally. I could tell that he was also suffering from survivor's guilt being eldest and outliving both his younger siblings who passed away due to covid in short span of 5 months apart. Family politics and attitude shift in younger ones is a pain to experience. 

Pregnancy 

When I was down with Covid, I found out via a strip test that I am pregnant. It was indeed a very happy moment. I completed my quarantine period and went to my gynecologist to be sure of the news. Behold, it was true, I was expecting my first baby. You can only imagine the happiness of my parents who were about to become grand parents and have a baby in their home after 33 years. 

Graphic Designing course 

I stumbled across a graphic designing short course advertisement on Instagram and decided to give it a go before the arrival of baby. I knew that I wont be able to do much after the baby as it will take my remaining time and energy after work. Graphic designing basic course was on my list to do for past 2 years. I opted for Diseno 3 months course where I learnt Illustrator and Photoshop within a span of 3 months. To be honest, I took it to be a beginner's level course but man, they amp you up pretty quick. I am so glad I opted for the right people. 

Cooking Class 

Continuing the parampara, I did another cooking course with Cook n Eat Catering and Cooking Class in Turkish cuisine. It was a 3 days short course. 

House Move 

I was 9 month pregnant when we moved to a new place, closer to my mum's. The reason we decided to move was to be closer to my parents since they live alone. My husband's place was 20 minutes drive away and it always used to take 40 minutes at least to reach my mum due to traffic. The second reason was again the ease of leaving my soon to born baby at my mom's when I resume work. Come to think of it now, I don't know what gave me the strength to do all the packing and shifting at 36 weeks. But it was the only work out I got and needed during my pregnancy. So glad to have moved closer to my parents as it provides me the mental peace to be close to them and also save myself the hassle of being on the roads to pick and drop my boy before and after work. 

Delivery 

My mucus plug gave away on 22nd Nov, around 9 pm. I could feel the onset of labor pains but decided to be sure before telling anyone. I was sure by 12 am that I have gone into labor as the pains were constant and light. By early morning it was super hard to fall asleep as the contractions were getting more frequent and increasing in intensity - still very mild compared to the peak. Around 9 am I told my mother that I have gone into labor. I called my doctor and she told me to get admitted to the hospital. I took my sweet time getting ready, took a bath, had breakfast and went to hospital around 11 am. I still feel I went early despite knowing that active labor means having at least 10 mins of gap between each contraction. But since it was my first baby, I was unsure to take things in my hand and do them my way. I was induced to speed up the process and by 4 pm I was in excruciating pain. Nothing like I have ever felt in my entire life. I was screaming at the top of my lungs. My husband could not be my side sadly as his mother was hospitalized at that time. By 4.30 pm I was 10 cms dilatated and ready to push. After several failed attempts, the doctor announced that I can not deliver normally and baby's head is stuck and is beginning to swell. Decision was taken to perform a C-section to deliver the baby. I was taken into OT around 5 pm maybe (don't recall correctly) and delivered a healthy baby boy around 6 pm. 

Death 

Image courtesy: unsplash.com

My mother in law passed away the same day my son was born. At 5 pm my MIL passed away while my son came into this world at 6 pm. She had dementia for around 8 years now. And like any other Alzheimer's and Dementia patient, she forgot to chew and swallow at the end and the weak immune system lead to pneumonia. She was hospitalized for about 3 days and before diagnosis she was in and out of hospital twice. She was on ventilator for about a day and in a coma when she passed away. It was a very hard time for my husband to be in such a position. Polar extreme opposite emotions to experience at once - death of mother and birth of first child. Sadly I couldn't be part of her funeral or final rights as I was hospitalized and was recovering post partum. 

This about sums up my happening year of 2021. I feel a lot happened this year but for the better. I would love to share more about my post partum journey and birthing experience, which I shall do shortly. I hope your year went well, surround by happiness and loved ones. Prayers for this year's departed souls and good wishes for the survivors.